i wouldn’t say its a realisation per se… but more like a fuller understanding of when people say that you’re not the only person talking to someone at one time.
this is when my selfish nature shows. i don’t like someone, neither do I want to be in a relationship with them and we’re explicitly friends with benefits but i also don’t want them to talk to anyone else.
i feel bad about thinking this way, but I honestly can’t help it. whenever I think about summer, I never imagine him but only what we did; this could be due to the fact that I’m really lonely right now, and the hypothetical idea of him is much better than him as a person.
this probably means i should let him go and my friends always say, ‘wait till something better comes along’, and i guess its true. so if he reads this, its is my official note of letting you go. i’ll always be your friend but i can’t enter that territory with you.